Who wants such a despised feeling? YOU DO, if you want to be satisfied. This may seem strange, but it most certainly is true. For unless you are able to texture sadness (and its genealogy: weep, affliction and tears), you will everlasting be avoiding sadness. Avoidance makes you liable to addictive behavior, psychosomatic condition, tall levels of anxiety and acting out skewed posture.
Sadness is a normal feeling which, if insusceptible, just stays in our array of anesthetic trauma knots. As with other bosom, feel it and it will go away. Resist sensation it and it hangs around forever, rhythmically erupting inappropriately in our body’s attempt to rid itself of associated trauma knots.
It has been most unstylish to cry, most specifically in the 1950s and 1960s. Negative judgments were usually made about those who did so in public. Politicians for many years prevent anything even remotely connected to tears. Today that seems to be transmute. We all need to feel sadness and infelicity at times. If we are not to remain emotionally incapacitated, then we need to allow whatever sobs need to destroy us and whatever tears need to roll down our cheeks.
Common prevent beliefs are: (1)my tears would never ever stop, (2)tears or cry would show weakness (unmanliness too), (3)others would condemn.
Of course your tears would stop someday. Don’t histrionic tears of even the most behavior person eventually stop? The real fear usually is that of loss of control. If I let the tears or bawling start, then I won’t be able to stop your tears. They will stop of their own agreement, apparently sooner than later. You will stop them if you need to do so in an crisis or if that is your choice.
Do tears and cry show weakness? NO, ‘THEY SHOW STRENGTH!’ That is, of course, a dissimilar view from what many of us learned as children. However, it takes strength and braveness to allow all one’s emotions (particularly ones that might be disapprove) to be articulated. To be authentic emotionally shows much more strength of individuality than to hide one’s unpopular parts. The person who cannot or will not precise the natural human expressions of tears and sobbing could be considered emotionally crippled.
There are still some who condemn of almost any expression of sadness, because they are fearful to feel it themselves. The verbalism “break down into tears” captures the essence of this disapproval. I have hopes the means will soon come to realize that use of “break down” in that context is unhelpful to society and fosters continuation of macho-male stereotypes. In the 1990s, given many sorrows by famous males, condemnation of sadness and tears is definitely on the wane. Hallelujah!
One common crisis facing us in our relationships is what to do when our partner starts crying. Do we attempt to comfort or do we maintain a courteous distance? This may be likened to portion another person fried eggs. You imaginably wouldn’t serve someone a fried egg unless you asked beforehand whether they liked it sunny-side-up or turned-over. Likewise, we had best check with our specific partners beforehand to find out their likes and dislikes concerning comfort vs. distance when they cry. Then one gives that accessory what they want. (Be alive to the fact that such wants may alteration over time, possibly even from one time to the next. Both group need to keep communicating.)
